June 28, 2012

Looking Back at Pregnancy

There are many women I know who are pregnant right now or are just having babies! It is really beautiful to know that people are cherishing children and wanting to raise them in a world that seems to make babies a burden and disposable.  It has certainly brought me back to my own pregnancies (which I've only had two, in case you are new to my blog and haven't seen pictures of my two sons).

"
woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world." -John 16:21

In high school when I dated my husband and we were planning on getting married one day. During my senior year (or right after, in which we were newly engaged), I mentioned how it would be nice to be pregnant by 22. Rob laughed about it, but was not against the idea and said, "We'll see."  He was more practical and didn't think too much about the future, but about what we were planning at the moment (to get married in general).  We married when I was 20, and by 22, I was in fact pregnant!

This was me at 4 weeks pregnant with Leto in 2006.


My first pregnancy with Leto was really rough. I did not enjoy it at all.  I worked at a food place and had my own puke bucket.  Thankfully I only puked once per day (well sometimes 4 times in a row or within 15 minutes, but it was during a segment of a day).  I felt so sick with so many smells. Yesterday I was thinking about my Indian neighbors where we used to live. The smell of curry was delightful, until I was pregnant! Chicken teriyaki is one of my favorite things to eat, until I was pregnant and felt so sick whenever near it (I eat it now again).  I lost interest in eating anything I normally did other than eggs, bread, and cookies (which I gorged myself on).  I thought I was supposed eat and eat and eat. LIE! I gained double the weight I was supposed to, which caused me to give birth to a 9lb 14oz baby!!

I was 13 weeks pregnant and just threw up . . .yes, you're thinking, "why would you want a picture taken like this?!?!" Because it is funny looking back!!! 



I almost lost Leto at 25 weeks pregnant. It was very scary to have pre-term labor contractions.  Thankfully he settled down in my womb and did well in the remaining 16 weeks I carried him.  My body swelled up everywhere (which is why I won't show the later pregnancy photos of me when I ballooned). I had my first stretch mark by 34 weeks which increased across my lower abdomen, my inner thighs, my breasts, and my calves.  I was so sad and cried a lot because I'm a vain person.  I received a rash on my hands and feet that lasted 4 days (until a few hours after giving birth).  Regardless of it all, I had a beautiful baby boy and am thrilled for the suffering.

33 weeks pregnant with Leto (yeah, I had dreadlocks during the end of my pregnancy).



With my pregnancy with Micah, I was more careful in what I ate, and blessed with gaining half of the weight I had gained with Leto.  I was just as tired as I was the first time, just as sore, but scents smelled a little better to me and I only threw up 7 times total.  My face still swelled up, I didn't get any new stretch marks, and I was much happier but still hated being pregnant.  It is sad. Although pregnancy is uncomfortable and doesn't make you feel as pretty at all, it really is wonderful.  I actually miss it a little. . . because the best part about pregnancy is feeling your child hiccuping, kicking softly, feeling their bodies rolling around, and seeing their bums raised in one spot depending on how you lay!  The little galloping heartbeat is adorable, and seeing pictures of them being secured in your body is joyful, as you wonder how they'll look outside of the womb and anticipate holding them!!!

25 weeks pregnant with Micah in 2008 (in both)




The result: TWO CUTE BABY BOYS I LOVE SO MUCH!!!

Leto

Micah

Now for the bottom text most will not read, so I might as well go for it. . .This is extremely personal for us. I'm a heavily convicted person who often prays to God to reveal my wrongdoings so I can work on them and walk in His ways.  While reading through the scriptures each day over the year (Psalms, Proverbs, Genesis-Joshua), I've felt God's word tell me know how much He treasures children and how much we should trust in God as He provides us with finances, children, and blesses us through having them.  Our boys are such vast joys in our lives and we are so proud of them and have seen how God provides for us to raise them!
 
For nearly 10 months we've been praying for miracles so we can have more children. The painful problem is that a month and a half after having Micah, because I hated pregnancy so much (very selfish) and because we didn't have much money, and because Rob and I don't like contraceptives (I'm not going to explain), we made a stupid mistake and got Rob a vasectomy because we had a miscommunication about how we really felt (we both really wanted to have more children but thought the other didn't). We did not put any trust in God or go to Him with our decision at all and were foolish.  10 months ago, not even a full 3 years after Micah was born, we discussed and decided we want more children. We've been praying for a miracle from God to help us have another or for the Lord to provide for us $6,000 (very slowly saving, since we just get by as it is) so we can reverse Rob's vasectomy through a place that does it in NJ in which I've called and have loads of information from (they are so sweet and talked to me for a good 45 minutes and sent me a folder of information).  They sent me pages of successful reversals and testimonies from men who decided they wanted more children as well and went to their place to get it done. It costs $3000 for first payment and $3000 for the second only a month apart, and they don't take partial payments or we already would have had this done. Most places charge thousands of dollars more for reversals, but because this is a practice specifically working only on vasectomy reversals, they do the job right and want to lift the financial burden from people who want more children.

In reading the scriptures, we learned that through this process of waiting on God and trusting Him, we have drawn closer in our walk with the Lord individually and as a couple.  Our boys actually pray for their future siblings every single day, sometimes several times of their own freewill.  It is really beautiful.  God says to wait on Him, so we wait.  We believe it is God's will for us to have more children, but we interfered with His plan with our own and want to now raise more children.  If God shuts the door (or disciplines us for our mistake by not allowing us to have more), we will plan on adoption, but because we are still in our 20s, we have time to have more. If God instead gives us children to adopt, either way we will raise them in His word and will love and cherish them. We've thought about the fact that if we never did get the vasectomy done, we'd probably have another child by now (or even a fourth on the way). 

Please pray WITH us for this issue. Be kind and considerate with your comments on the issue, because I've done ten months of enough crying over it and have listed loads of options and prayed out many times about it, and really don't want people to be negative or hurtful further with the pain I already feel. Thank you.

"Children are a heritage from the Lordoffspring a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one’s youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their opponents in court." -Psalm 127:3-5

23 comments:

Stephanie Thorpe said...

Take heart in the fact that there are many women in the bible who God blessed with children in unusual circumstances-Sarah, Rachel, Mary....God's bigger than anything we might do or plan. I'll be praying for you and your family.

JusticePirate said...

I agree and took comfort in reading many of those stories while I was in Genesis earlier on in the year. I have a lot of faith and know nothing is impossible for God.

Stacey said...

My husband's parents had six children, and then had his mom's tubes tied. After about eight years they were convicted that they shouldn't have done it, and looked into getting the process reversed. Of course, it was incredibly expensive, and they were very poor. So they prayed about it for months (maybe years, actually - can't remember that for sure), and one day someone gave them the thousands of dollars they needed for the procedure, without even knowing that's what they had been praying for. So take heart! It may take time, but I believe God will answer your selfless prayer just as he answered the prayer of my in-laws.

Tim said...

Victoria, thanks for taking us through the pregnancies through your words and pics. And thanks for sharing what is weighing so heavily on yours and Rob's hearts right now. Praying.

Tim

JusticePirate said...

Wow. that's amazing. My mom had her tubes tied after she had me and would feel guilty for years when I'd ask her for a sister but I never knew she was so pained over it until I shared with her my struggle with this.  Thanks for the encouraging words!!!

Katie said...

God has a plan and it will always work out in the end- as horrible as this experience is, think of all you have learned from it. And never feel like you have to save the personal stuff for little text at the end of a post - I have been reading your blog for a long time but rarely commented. Your honesty always makes me think and assess things in a new way and I'm sure a lot of your readers feel the same. I am no where near as strong a christian as you, but you give a great example to reach for. And it's wonderful for me to see that you are also not perfect! I'll be praying for you. 

gynecologist tucson az said...

It is really hard to deliver a baby. The mother should take of herself.

Kristina said...

I love you honesty and transparency, Victoria.  My parents also reversed my dad's vasectomy when they felt they'd like to have more children.  I think it's awesome how God is working in your life!

Rachel P said...

I'm so sorry you and Rob are going through this.  Tim and I tried for two and half years before I conceived, and then just six weeks in I had a miscarriage.  We started trying again as soon as we could, but with no luck so far.  He will be going overseas for a year in three months, so that is 12 months we cannot try.  I know I'm not old but I really feel the clock ticking.  I'm almost 32.  Please pray for us as we will be praying for you and Rob.

JusticePirate said...

I didn't know you had miscarried. That is very sad news. I have known quite a few people who have suffered tremendously from the losses of their beautiful little ones, so I will certainly be praying for you. If it helps at all, I know of many women who have been getting pregnant in their mid to late 30s even, and many who have had successful pregnancies after losing a child within the womb. but I know that as it gets later and later there could be more stress involved. A whole year overseas? ahh! I hope the year will breeze by for you when that takes place. 

JusticePirate said...

Oh wow. That's really cool to learn about. Did they ever have a pregnancy after the reversal?

Rebecca Ann said...

Thank you for sharing Victoria! I really mean that. I was struggling talking about this with my father and I really feel children are a blessing and we should trust God with the number he will give us. Praise.God He is in control of all areas of life!

In Christ,
Rebecca

Marisa Noelle said...

I loved reading about your pregnancies - mine was very similar and I remember having similar feelings of not loving it - like so many other women say they do and feeling guilty because of that.  I was sick and very swollen and gained 65 pounds - though I really can't complain at all because we had a beautiful healthy baby boy, but nonetheless those 9 months of feeling yucky and working full-time were not a piece of cake to say the least.  A huge part of me wants another one, but selfishly I don't want put my body through that again.  Wrestling back and forth with this is a challenging thing.  In saying all this - My heart really goes out to you Victoria.  I so admire what you and Rob are doing as I'm sure it's not easy.  My prayers and thoughts are with you.   I do believe God grants us the desires of our heart when we follow His will like you both have - take heart in knowing He has a plan for you and your future child:)

Sara said...

This was a really sweet post and it is refreshing to hear an honest story about pregnancy. Everyone only focuses on the postive and never mentions the sickness or the exhaustion, which we all know happens. What I really loved is your honesty about both. I am still very scared to have kids, I have always wanted to adopt because I believe that every child should have a chance and if I didn't have a home to grow up in and be loved as a child then I would have liked to think that some one would have adopted me.

Anyway, back to you. I am so sorry that you guys have to go through with another surgery to have children, especially since you guys love your children so much and are doing so well with them. I feel that you guys will have more children, and even if it is a little later, it can still be amazing. My youngest brother is 18 years younger than me and I adore him. I am not saying wait that long, lol but it is still amazing no matter when you have a baby.

dusanabotswana said...

I certainly don't mean to say that you shouldn't pray for miracles, but certainly don't limit yourselves to other possibilities that might be in the plan- like who knows? adoption, fostering, sometimes what we want most really isn't the plan. I loved your openness here though, esp in admitting the miscommunication & goodness you have such a beautiful and sweet family, I loved seeing pics of the boys as babies & it was so fun to see you pregnant, women are always the most beautiful pregnant. you look sooo teeny tiny w/ just a big belly btw, looks like you didn't gain an ounce, did you have a secret or just keep active? anyway, hope you enjoy the rest of your weekend together gang : )

http://dusanabotswana.com  

Ashley {Hudson's Happenings} said...

First, I love that you shared your pregnancy stories with us...such a special time, yet different and unique for each expecting mother. Second, I want you to know that I will keep you in my prayers. God is SO good, as you know...and I feel that he will bless you with another child someway, somehow. As you know, in life, God's path does not always lead us the most expected ways...sometimes we make U-turns and go backwards and all around to end up in the "place" that He wants us to be. Hang in there....stay positive. Thank you for being such an inspiration to Christians AND Mothers. 

Sara said...

Hi Victoria! You may not remember me because I kind of fell out of blogging for a while, but I'm back. I remembered your wonderful blog and decided to come visit! Your boys are so beautiful! :) I wanted to leave a comment and wish you luck on conceiving again. I sincerely hope it works out for you and your husband. :) 

Mitha Komala said...

such an interesting story! it is weird that the favorite food of yours smells so bad when you were pregnant, and your sons are too cute to be true =)



















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Letters To Juliet

JusticePirate said...

Thanks so much Marisa for the encouraging words.

JusticePirate said...

Having children is not a fearful thing, but an exciting thing. Although it has its painful side, it has a wonderful result that is well worth it. Adoption is very beautiful too. You could always have some of your own as well as adopt too. I have known many people who have adopted . . some don't have any children that came from their own womb but a few adopted children and others have a combination. They all are so great. I think being around so many adopted children all my life has always been really a part of why I want to adopt one day too.


Thanks for the kind words.

JusticePirate said...

I have taken many options into account. I mentioned in this post that I would love to adopt. I wouldn't be able to foster at all. I have known many people who have done that and have had to give the children back and I would NOT be able to do that. My emotions would be a wreck. I have known others who ended up adopting their children after fostering, but not many were able to when they hoped to. . .and some of the birth parents are really nasty and so for me, I'd be willing to adopt from another nation and have always always wanted to adopt from Vietnam (mentioned it maybe a year or more ago on this blog even).  Anyway, like I said, I have spent a lot of time reviewing my many options but I really do want to carry more children within my womb and adopt as well. 

If you saw pictures of me past 33 weeks pregnant you'd change your mind about how I look. I ballooned quite a lot at the end and it was very noticeable. After each child I nursed which helps you lose weight faster because your belly is constantly contracting.  I also did a lot of workouts throughout each day to get back.  I started to eat better too.

JusticePirate said...

Thanks so much Ashley. 

JusticePirate said...

I definitely do remember you because I have checked your blog regularly just don't have as much time to comment as I once had.  Thanks by the way!

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